


See Her Soul

by A Magiluna Stormwriter (ariestess)



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Character Development, Character Study, Community: onceuponaland, Female Friendship, Female Relationships, Gen, POV Female Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-18
Updated: 2014-08-18
Packaged: 2018-02-13 15:53:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2156391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/pseuds/A%20Magiluna%20Stormwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina reflects on her relationship with Kathryn Nolan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See Her Soul

**Author's Note:**

> Date Written: 17 August 2014  
> Word Count: 1297  
> Written for: [](http://onceuponaland.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://onceuponaland.livejournal.com/)**onceuponaland** 's Round 9 challenge "Musical Muse"  
> Prompt: "Silver Girl" by Fleetwood Mac  
> Summary: Regina reflects on her relationship with Kathryn Nolan.  
> Spoilers: Just consider the whole series up for grabs. It's easier that way.  
> Warnings: No standard warnings apply.  
> Website: ShatterStorm Productions – Doggie Duo  
> Link to: <http://bdkk.shatterstorm.net/>  
> Archive: ShatterStorm Productions & AO3 only…all others ask for permission & we'll see…  
> Feedback: Constructive criticism is always welcome.
> 
> Author’s Disclaimer: "Once Upon a Time," the characters, and situations depicted are the property of Adam Horowitz, Edward Kitsis, Kitsis/Horowitz, and ABC Studios. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes. Previously unrecognized characters and places, and this story, are copyrighted to the author. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author. This site is in no way affiliated with "Once Upon a Time," ABC, or any representatives of the actors.
> 
> Author’s Notes: I love that I've grown more attached to Kathryn/Abigail since I started writing my Regina/Abigail AU, though this story is not part of that AU. This is a perfect example of me finding a way to rehabilitate a character I wasn't as impressed with initially. And using this particular song to reflect on how Regina sees her friendship with Kathryn, both in the Enchanted Forest and Storybrooke, just seemed the perfect choice. The title comes from the chorus of the song.
> 
> And yes, I know this looks like songfic, but it isn't.
> 
> Dedication: My muses, as usual…
> 
> Beta: Not currently betaed, so all mistakes are mine.

_She was a silver girl  
Lost in a high tech world_

Sometimes I wonder what it was like to wake up in this world and just _know_ everything without remembering where I actually came from. I know that's what it was like for her. For everyone in this damned town, to be honest. They don't understand what I go through on a daily basis of having to make sure that I react as Mayor Mills would, not as the Evil Queen would.

But interestingly enough, it wasn't Snow -- Mary Margaret -- that stood out to me in this new land of ours. It was Kathryn. She was given such a horrendous life, simply as collateral damage for Snow's degradation and downfall. That I saddled her with David is… I really should have just killed him outright and been done with it. I blame his life on my memories of Daniel and our love. Too bad I didn't think of that for Kathryn. I could have given her a modicum of happiness by putting her with her knight, even if theirs was a rough life. I did it for the wolf and her grandmother, didn't I?

Is it crazy to think that I humbled Abigail's haughtiness for my own sake, left her with many of the beliefs of our old land when I worked to create her new life here in Storybrooke? In all of the years we've been here, she's never been one for the technological advances of this land, not like some people. She's only wanted a simple, happy life filled with family, love, and happiness. Funny how that's all I've ever wanted, too. And yet neither of us has ever gotten it.

She lost her great love, then got him back for a very short time before the curse and my need for vengeance ripped them apart again, potentially forever. I lost my Daniel, tried to get him back and failed, then allowed the curse to give me some modicum of happiness. But it didn't really turn out that way, did it? In the end, both of us have suffered more than we'd care to admit, and it can be traced back to Snow White. Funny how Kathryn hates Mary Margaret as much as I hate Snow White. Perhaps Kathryn is more like me than I'd thought…

_She had the Midas touch  
She was lady luck_

I didn't interact with Abigail or her father all that much in the Enchanted Forest. Leopold dealt with King Midas once or twice, and when I first met Abigail, I felt a sense of kindred spirits. She was as much her father's possession as I was Leopold's, strangled in doing what's expected of us instead of what made us happy. Neither of us should have been born into the lives we were dealt. Power and greed, even when cloaked in the guise of benevolence for others, are still terrible vices that ruin innocent lives. In that respect, Abigail and I could have been reversed in our upbringing and still turned out as we did. It's sad to consider that harsh truth, but it's still there, regardless of how we might want to change it.

I wasn't able to befriend Abigail back then. I'm sure Leopold would have liked to solidify the relations between our two kingdoms, but he didn't dare let me out of his sphere of influence, just as King Midas never let his daughter far from his sight. They had different reasons for keeping us isolated and protected, but the results were the same. We were both cut off from real interaction with other people. I had Daniel and my father. Abigail had Frederick. All three gave their lives for our safety and happiness, even if they didn't see it that way at the time. Those deaths weighed on us heavily, changed us in many ways.

_Sometimes she was just an actress  
But you'll never really know  
Shadows moves across her face_

I'd heard once that before King Midas was given his golden curse, he was a genial, loving man. He was always known as a fair and kind king, loved by all who knew him. The same was said about Leopold, but I never really saw it. Abigail was said to be a sweet, happy child that gave willingly of her friendship and her heart. Her mother's death began the hardening of her heart, casting shadows on her soul that only another faced with such loss could truly see and understand. As time went on, those shadows became more prominent on her entire psyche, but she was skilled at hiding them with artful cosmetics and the air of a haughty royal. The only place she couldn’t cover them was in her eyes. If you cared to truly look into her eyes, you could see the weight of the world resting on her shoulders. But how many truly cared to look that deeply? Some things don't change, regardless of the realm you live in.

When King Midas was gifted with the golden curse, he began to change. A brittle edge of power hemmed in the benevolence, but he was just as skilled at hiding it. Perhaps he learned some of that from his daughter. I'm not sure either of them can actually answer that. But they noticed her haughtiness, commented on it behind their hands and, hopefully, behind her back. She still heard about it though. That's also plain in the shadows haunting her soul and her eyes. She just never let on that it hurt as much as it did. Trust me, I know that feeling all too well.

Losing Frederick was the final straw for Abigail. She lost the last bit of normalcy and happiness in her life. She'd become immune to the allure of gold and jewels, thanks to her father's curse. She had no true friends, as they were mostly royal sycophants trying to impress her father. Frederick was her freedom, her chance to step away from the trappings of her royal life. With his death came hers. Funny how that happens when we lose what makes us the happiest.

And yet, no one truly saw the sadness in her eyes. She was a consummate performer and manipulator in that respect.

_You cannot see her soul  
Unless she lets you_

When she offered friendship to me in Storybrooke, I was bewildered. No one else had ever done that. Yes, she was under the curse, but I didn't program that into her new life and personality. It truly didn't start until after I adopted Henry, which was never actually part of the plan. I blame Owen for that change in my own desires. But still, Kathryn came to me and initiated the strained friendship we shared over the years. She became a willing babysitter for Henry when I needed it, which wasn't nearly as often as she clearly wished it to be. She became my closest confidante, even closer than Sidney, because I just _knew_ that I could trust her. I didn't take advantage of that closeness very often either, but it was a soothing balm to know I had it if I needed it. I can only assume that her friendship and my desire to allow it to continue were part of the breaking down of the curse.

When the curse broke, I thought she'd hate me forever. But she didn't. She continued pressing for our friendship. When I asked her about that, she said that she knew a kindred soul when she saw one and that no one deserved to be vilified forever, not when their wounds were so obvious if one would just take the time to look.

I don't deserve her friendship, but I'm very grateful to have it.


End file.
